Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
True strength comes from lack of pants
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
