You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
