Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize