I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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