i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
