she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
