omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
