is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
