i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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