I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
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We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
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Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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