he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
