I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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