He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
They took my balls.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
