The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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