I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
