i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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