Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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