where am i from again
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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