haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
