Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
