As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
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Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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