I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
