I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
