We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
