it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
