Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
