I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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