did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
this is an emotional support booty call
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
