i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
