Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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