Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
