Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
