some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
