We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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