You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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