Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
