went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
