I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
