We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
