we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
