He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Terrible idea I love it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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