You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
