i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
