i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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