Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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