the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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