She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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