that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
