After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
