The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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