your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
