mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
