no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You may now shotgun with the bride
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
