she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
