I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
