You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
