my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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