A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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