I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
