she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
