Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
