I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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