Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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