I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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