Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
