If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
