so explain again why im purple
no
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
