There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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