I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
