I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
