I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
