Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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